Chiffon Rose

Graduation Day...

I finally made it...what an amazing day it was.  I absolutely loved and savoured every every moment of my Graduation Day.  Becky and Chloe were sitting right down the front so I could see them through the whole thing.  It was almost like sitting with them which was just great!  It is a moment I will never forget and wondered for a long time if it would ever happen.

Very briefly...during the last four years since I started my Grad Dip my family and I have moved out of home for 13 months and fully renovated and moved back in, I was put on anti-depressants and consequently had  to take a year off study, had my mother in and out of hospital having surgery and complications and not being able to help her through it for various reasons.  Lost contact with my brother and his family, changed churches and separated from my husband.  I think that's all...!!  Oh that's right...and studied! Phew...

I can't believe I made it.  One of my lecturers saw me yesterday and gave me the biggest hug and was so happy for me and just said to me "Janelle, you made it!"  Yes, there were many times where I didn't think I would.  I went through some of the biggest life changes throughout that time as well as personal growth.

I can honestly say it's by the grace of God and his provision that I did make it.

From top left

Ready to go...with my wonderful friend Barb, we were each others support system...the choir during the ceremony...with my good friend Kylie and her daughter Iesha and Chloe and me, (Kylie looked after Chloe for me before and after school during my studying)...me and Chloe...Rebecca and my best friend Hannah...Rebecca, me and Chloe at lunch on Sunday to celebrate...me Hannah and Fiona (Fiona organised the lunch for me)...Mike (my pastor), his girlfriend Teresa, me and Beth.

Saturday night after the Graduation I was so overwhelmed by it all that I just broke down and cried...I just couldn't help it.

I really wondered if it would ever happen...during all the tough times I had so many doubts that I could make it and graduation seemed like a distant dream.  My counsellor was my biggest supporter on so many different occasions and encouraged and believed in me when I thought I couldn't do it anymore.  It was lovely that he could come and share the day with me and my friends and family.  And now with that part of my life finished, the reality of where I am at now has hit me like nothing else I have ever experienced nor want to experience ever again.

It is for this reason I am taking some decent time out.  Physically I am absolutely exhausted, it doesn't help that I am also aneamic at the moment and emotionally and mentally, I just don't have the energy to do anything other than the necessary day to day activities.  I cannot say when I will be able to start blogging again, this is a long process and being drawn out due to complications I just don't want to discuss here, (there is no-one else involved!).

I am sure those of you who have experienced separation understand the stress involved and the energy consumed just getting through each day.  Please feel free to send me an e-mail now and then if you wish and I will gladly reply...but blogging is just going to have to wait for a little while.  I will miss you all and my daily updates you, and find myself close to tears as I write this...but hopefully I will be back when things are better for me here.

Thank you so much for your generous support and encouragement...

God Bless, take care...Nel xo

Virginia...

I know I am not alone in saying how terribly sad and overwhelmed I was to hear of the tragedy that happened at Viriginia Tech.  Such a senseless, selfish act of violence that has no purpose other than attempt to destroy the lives of all those touched by it. I pray that it doesn't... 

My thoughts and prayers go out for all those involved in any way.  Where does the list stop?  The victims families, friends, students, staff, emergency workers, ministers, counsellors and the wider community.  They all desperately need prayer and support.

If you know of anyone personally touched by this tragedy and you wish to ask for prayer support for them, please feel free to do so in your comment so we can all be praying for them. 

love and prayers...Nel xo

gratitude...and some holiday pics!

I cannot tell you how incredibly grateful I am at the support I have received...You have all been amazingly encouraging, supportive and loving.  I feel much better from having shared with you all and have been strengthened by your prayers and support.  I am extremely grateful, more than you know...

On a lighter note (sigh!) I wanted to share some snapshots from my break last week.  It was lovely and relaxing and absolutely gorgeous weather.

I love the colours in these and I took them early one morning and it was so peaceful and still...I wanted to show them all separately but there is too many and this post would have gone on forever, lol...

We went on an old ferry one day...the weather was absolutely gorgeous and we saw dolphins swimming and did some shopping at the other end...perfect!

And this gorgeous old cottage restaurant, called Victoria's was definitely a highlight.  The food was divine!!!  It has been run by the same family for years and they had an art gallery out the back and sold yummy goodies like pistachio nougat...yummmmm!  Yes Renee, I bought you some because I know how much you love it!  The gardens were absolutely gorgeous and it was a really delightful place to visit.

I also went to an old bookshop...it is in the backyard of a man who just loves books.  It is in a grotty old rundown shed out the back and is packed floor to ceiling with bookcases and old or second hand books, each one in it's own plastic bag to protect it from the elements!

There must have been over 1000 books...these are some of what I bought.  I am so happy with them.  The Portrait of a Lady is new and I bought it from a normal bookshop with the French phrase book...the rest is from the backyard shed man (as I call him!)  the old music is going to be great for collages and the mustard colour books is an old poetry book with William Shakespear and the likes...I just love it!  The others are old childrens books that are just adorable with gorgeous pictures.  The most expensive was the poetry book at $10...the rest were bargains of $2 - $5.

Last but not least...I am feeling a real need to look after myself.  I am feeling incredibly vulnerable and wanting to do things for myself that make me feel a little special at the moment.  So I visited The Body Shop and came home with some goodies.  My favourite is the lavendar lotion...so nice at night before I go to bed.  I have been looking for a new handbag for a while and found this wallet instead...hmmm.  Not sure how that works but I really loved the colour and design.  The bag will have to wait.

I have a rather exciting week this week.  I have my graduation for my Grad. Dip in Counselling on Saturday!  I have put some money aside to buy myself an outft and have my hair and nails done.  I am sooo happy that this has finally come about and I am also incredibly nervous.  The thought of getting up in front of everyone feeling like I do at the moment is a little scary.  But I have a few good friends coming to support me, my counsellor is even coming and of course, my gorgeous daughters Chloe and Becky.  I will definitely take some snaps and show them to you next week.

Again...my thanks for your support and prayers goes far beyond words...

"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"  Anais Nin

 

Have a great day...blessings,Nel xo 

it's time...

I have been waiting for the right time...wanting to share with you what is happening in my life.  I have felt very protective of myself and not wanting to make myself vulnerable.  I haven't wanted to open myself up to criticism, opinions, well meaning advice...But I do want to open myself up to your prayers and support.

My husband and I separated 2 months ago.

My heart is broken, my spirit feels crushed and my body and soul is aching with pain.  I am confused, hurt, angry and numb...and so tired...where do I stop...?

I am holding onto my Heavenly Father with all I've got to give.  Seeking, asking questions, so badly needing His comfort.  Knowing I don't want to, and I can't get through this without Him.  It is the hardest thing I have ever had to walk through and the pathway ahead is so friggin scary.

If you are uncomfortable with this and don't feel you can offer words of support, that's fine...but please don't leave negative comments telling me so, I have enough shame and questions over what went wrong for one person to carry.  I don't need any more.

I am sharing this because I have made wonderful friends through the blogging comunity and I need your prayers and support.  But like I said, if you can't, for whatever reason, that's fine.

Be back when I can and I will drop by your wonderful blogs when I can too!  They pick me up and help me to know that life goes on and so will I.  I will get through this!

Thank you for dropping by, reading my words and understanding.

Love Nel xo

time away...

I have a friend who has a holiday home 3 hrs north of Sydney...she has invited myself and my girls to spend a few days with her and her daughter who is Beck's closest friend.  So today we are heading off.  It's between the lake and the beach, it's flat and they have bikes and a spa and it's a beautiful place to walk off all that Easter chocolate and take some time out.

I am feeling really challenged and feel the desire to spend some time alone with my Heavenly Father and to let him help me through these tough times and getting to know him more.  This is a wonderful place and opportunity to do this.  I have not been great in letting him care for me and I need to let him into my life more.  I need to let him touch those places of pain that have been long hidden away...

So I will see you all later, have a wonderful week and I will share with you when I return.

I hope you've all had a wonderful, blessed Easter time.

Nel xo

his face...

 

In His face I see Him

I see all of who He is and who

He came to be...for me

And yet what I see

is only a glimmer

a small reflection of who He is

and of what I shall see when I shall see Him

in all His glory for all of eternity

For you cannot capture the Son of man

the Son of God

in a single moment

for His glory outshines the sun

His majesty brings me to my  knees

before the cross

before his love...for me

Nel xo

beautiful gift...

I received this gorgeous gift in the mail today...It was sent to me by Marianne from Applehead.  Marianne is another blogger from Sydney and I have been visiting her blog for a while looking at all her gorgeous creations. 

When she read on my blog that it was my birthday she sent me this gorgeous gift handmade by her.

 

wrapped beautifully in vintage wallpaper with a handmade tag.

and inside a lovely book, card and magnet...all made by Marianne.  The picture on the magnet is from one of Marianne's very cute small people cards.

A close up of the book, see the little bird?  So very cute.  What shall I put in there?  Perhaps pictures, quotes?

I love these little trees Marianne drew and placed in there.

See the girl on the magnet...she doesn't like peas, either do I!

I was so excited when I found this package in my letterbox today and I was so delighted when I opened it and found these gorgeous pieces of art made for me.  Thank you so much Marianne...I love all of it!  I am one very lucky lady and you are one very kind lady.

Hope you have a wonderful day...Nel xo